Destroying My Future
Clifford (1994)

Clifford (1994)

Clifford was kept on the shelf for 3 years, but trust me, if you haven’t seen it and when you do, not only will you be asking "Why does this exist?" you will also be asking "Thank you?"
5 scenes that traumatised me as a child

5 scenes that traumatised me as a child

WARNING: Some of these contain spoilers! Most notably, the Turner and Hooch one! ALSO! I get the feeling a lot of these will be removed for copyright reasons, so this post may be nothing but dead links in a few months… or days… Matt Revert is taking a lovely wee holiday this week, so I...
Die Bremer Stadtmusikanten (The Bremen Town Musicians)

Die Bremer Stadtmusikanten (The Bremen Town Musicians)

This is a strange post this evening. My internet has been capped and I can’t even stream the movie in question to verify the horrific memories I have of it. I do have memories surrounding how I saw this film, and in lieu of any deep analysis of the content itself, I’ll share that instead....
The Malibu Bikini Shop (1986): or My Introduction to Cinematic Breasts

The Malibu Bikini Shop (1986): or My Introduction to Cinematic Breasts

While reflecting upon the scope of the ‘Destroying My Future’ posts, I couldn’t help but acknowledge the fact that many of the films that affected my childhood the most were not children’s movies. To limit myself to such strict confines would be to ignore so many formative monstrosities that damaged my psyche. The following film,...
Return to Oz (1985)

Return to Oz (1985)

Microscopic tendrils of anxiety have started worming their way into each pore on my body. I’m on the cusp of something… something that has wreaked havoc deep within my psyche for many, many years. From where I am now, they’re little more than abstract fragments of horror – fragments wired into my brain, sending shocks...