Words of wisdom from Steven Seagal’s daddy
Here are some words to live your life by from True Justice, Seagal's super shitty TV show (yes, way shittier than Lawman).
Corey Feldman dance
Dream a Little Dream 2 is an endurance test to say the least. Watching the Two Coreys flounder and flop about the set is torture, but no scene is more distressing than this...
An unexpected beat down from American Hunter
American Hunter was apparently a key influence for Benjamin Marra's incredible Terror Assaulter (O.M.W.O.T.). The Arizal influence can definitely be seen in the ridiculous dialogue ("Let's just say, [insert something stupid here]"), the relentless explosions, and, of course, the absurd fight scenes.
I drank enough of his nut juice to drown a whale!
My favourite moment in Hot Lunch is when Desiree Cousteau and Brigit Olsen trade verbal blows in a battle for the film's (hysterically bland) leading stud. The dialogue has a John Waters-esque filth and absurdity to it. I love it!
Mutant birth nightmare from It’s Alive III
It's Alive III: Island of the Alive is my favourite from Larry Cohen's mutant baby franchise. Why? Because it doesn't take itself seriously as witnessed in this insane opening scene.
Watermelon massacre
If Mr. Majestyk taught me anything it is do not... I repeat... do not fuck with Charles Bronson's watermelons.
Kid has face torn open by guy who looks sort of like Eric Roberts
Outside of Hong Kong cinema, it's pretty rare to see gratuitous kid death in a movie. Brian Yuzna breaks that rule very early on in Beneath Still Waters by tearing a child's face open. Yikes.
Zatoichi eats dirt (and reacts appropriately)
Recently, we featured Zatoichi eating a rock. This week we bring you Zatoichi eating some dirt in Zatoichi and the Fugitives.
Slow motion silliness in Trancers II
This scene from Trancers II has it all: Tim Thomerson, gunfire, squibs, slow motion stupidity, disintegrating zombie idiots, a cutaway to terrified old ladies, and an awkward one-liner.
Repulsive cockroach vomit ritual
Initiation features some unbelievable effects work from Screaming Mad George. The best example of the Japanese effects master's work in this film can be seen in an absolutely repulsive ritual sequence that concludes with a very Cronenberg-esque chunder.
This is how you end a movie! Part III
Hong Kong has already given us two examples of how to perfectly wrap up a movie, and now sex comedy stinker Stooges in Tokyo brings their score to a hat-trick.
Zatoichi eats a rock
Sometimes Zatoichi is a total blind bad-ass and cuts down like a thousand guys with his sword. Sometimes, as seen in in Zatoichi Challened, Zatoichi eats rocks then regurgitates them back into his mouth to teach weird, confusing lessons to cackling shitty children.
