If there is one thing that really gets my nostalgia gland pumping Camembert throughout my girlish frame, it is a music video featuring clips from teen/cheese movies of a bygone era. That bygone era, of course being the era of my childhood: the 80s and to a lesser extent the early 90s. After the early 90s I became an old man at heart and have remained so – world wearied, cynical and just generally miserable all the way from high school until now. I can’t remember why, though with the right suggestive hypnotherapy I’m sure I could come up with something good. Regardless, somehow these mostly awful music videos seem to momentarily melt this blackened, stony heart of mine, usually during the wee hours when I am watching music videos on TV in a late night, depression induced, insomnia haze. And they come on in between hours of Nickelback and Katy Perry clips, like little glowing oases of bubblegum, like that time I found an unopened pack of Ninja Turtle cards under my bed (a good decade after I had would have bought them) and I totally ate the gum that was in it. It was like a sugary, cardboardy symbolic act of reclaiming some small part of my youth. Or maybe I just wanted gum and I had little knowledge of hygiene and food safety back then. Whatever the case, songs like this are a lot like that moment: exciting, nostalgic, and ultimately empty and probably bad for my health… but still a lot of fun. Below are a few examples. See if you can guess the movies. Or at least the ones where it is not stated explicitly what they are.

Stay tuned for parts 2 through like a million of this post sometime soon.