Massage Parlor Murders! (1973)
Massage Parlor Murders! is fucking great. It delivers on sleaze and stupidity. The death scenes are filthy and crass. The nudity is rampant and gratuitous. The performances are big and stupid.
I drank enough of his nut juice to drown a whale!
My favourite moment in Hot Lunch is when Desiree Cousteau and Brigit Olsen trade verbal blows in a battle for the film's (hysterically bland) leading stud. The dialogue has a John Waters-esque filth and absurdity to it. I love it!
Worst Dracula ever
The highlight of Hot Vampire is Jim Parker's portrayal of Count Dracula. Parker is undoubtedly the worst Dracula ever shot on celluloid. He grins and stumbles his way through the film like a nervous high schooler with a camera shoved in his face.
An unexpected headbutt
My favourite moment of bad movie lunacy in Raw Force is a lengthy party scene, which functions like a collection of nonsensical sketches. It's hard to pick out a single moment from it, but I thoroughly enjoyed this absurd headbutt.
Wise words from a man of science
I thoroughly enjoyed the bizarre hodgepodge of horror and softcore delivered by The Jekyll and Hyde Portfolio. Below is a rather fantastic bit of inane scripting where a man of science gives some truly thought-provoking words of wisdom while a police detective looks at the camera nervously...
Pornographic kung-fu fight
The Vixens of Kung-Fu had me laughing very, very hard. Seeing its impressive cast of classic porn stars goofily emulating kung-fu moves is quite mind-blowing. The way the film is cut together only makes things more mad.
Guru, the Mad Monk (1970)
Those already well-versed in his sadistic stylings of Andy Milligan will lap up Guru, the Mad Monk. It features the requisite mean-spirited dialogue, entertaining performances, sick and silly acts of depravity, and a loving relationship between a mad monk and his hunchback.
Dungeon of Harrow’s harrowing spider puppet
Earlier this year, I shared a screamy moment from Dungeon of Harrow. Well, here's another choice scene featuring more screaming, mind-melting acting, and a cute spider puppet.
Bikers love blowing things up
Nomad Riders kicks off with a literal bang as a gang of bad ass bikers blow up a family. At this point in the film, no context has been given for this act, which makes it fucking hilarious. The bikers then blow up some poor dude trying to use a portaloo. Just for kicks.
Best man-scream ever?
I find myself entranced by Dungeon of Harrow, completely in awe of its otherworldly weirdness as I wonder what planet it was filmed on.
Best worst fight scene
Linda and Abilene is a incestuous period piece shot at the Spahn Ranch around the same time Charles Manson and his loony family were using it as a residence. The film is entertaining and silly, and features a fight scene that had me choking with laughs.
