How to have sex according to The Underground Banker
The Underground Banker sounds amazing on paper, but most of the screen time is dedicated to shit comedy. Like this brilliantly stupid scene where Anthony Wong attempts to fuck his sex-starved wife while listening to instructions from an extremely unhelpful sex therapy tape.
Finger lickin’ good!
Though Wes Craven's Shocker doesn't garner the same respect as A Nightmare on Elm Street or Scream, it's a hell of a lot of fun. Here's my favourite moment, which, though sadly trimmed by censors, packs a painful punch.
The best fight scene in cinema history
I now know, having only seen six minutes of The Instructor, that it is the greatest film ever made. Watch as karate king Bob Chaney delivers some of the most laboured kicks and punches captured on celluloid.
Dick training montage
I think we can all agree that every movie centring on gigolos requires a dick training montage. Hong Kong turd Gigolo Club delivers, though I'm not entirely sure how hot sauce helps tackle premature ejaculation.
Seagal destroys a restaurant
In this infamous sequence from The Glimmer Man, Seagal annihilates a restaurant, its occupants and a cannoli, even going as far to make a concluding smarmy gag about his handiwork to what must have been a very confused person on the other end of the phone.
This is how you end a movie! Part II
The abrupt, dick-destroying ending of Body Lover will likely never be topped, but today's clip comes close. This ending is taken from CAT III Modern Girls (1993). Though it spends most of its time drowning in mediocrity, its absurd ending deserves a standing ovation.
Roddy Piper’s second greatest line ever
What a blow that Roddy Piper, easily the most charismatic wrestler-actor of the 80s and 90s, has died at 61. Piper holds a special place in horror/sci-fi movie history for his role in They Live, but even in his less discussed roles he was a blast to watch.
Incredible transformation from I Vampiri
A bit stilted and stiff, I Vampiri is certainly far from Italy's best genre offerings, but it does feature some inspired moments. Perhaps the most impressive sequence is this incredible transformation.
A handy quip from Dr. Giggles
In amongst the lifeless and bloodless Scream rip-offs, there's the occasional slice of 90s horror fun. Like Dr. Giggles. Doctor-themed one liners and puns galore, Dr. Giggles is good dumb fun.
Holding a fetus hostage in Devil’s Woman
Though not nearly as offensive as Category III's more famous shockers, Devil's Woman contains one ridiculous and repulsive scene worthy of a jaw drop.
How to open a movie according to Traxx
The opening of any film is important. It introduces important characters, establishes the story's world and its rules, and, perhaps most importantly, sets the film's tone. I'd be hard pressed to name film that meets that criteria better than Traxx.
Butt-biting vampire
I assumed the outrageous image of Lando Buzzzanca sinking his teeth into a naked lady's ass found on the Dracula in the Provinces poster was purely a bit of lurid false advertising. Having now seen the film, I can happily say that assumption was wrong.
