NAME: 
Daigoro (ダイゴロウ Daigorou)
FIRST APPEARS IN:
Great Desperate Monster Battle: Daigoro vs. Goliath, 1972
DESIGN FEATURES:
– creepy, fingery hands
– big, broken eyes
– goofball whiskers
– hippo meets Michelin Man exterior
SKILLS AND QUIRKS:
– food consumption
– failing to use a toilet
– draining the Japanese economy
MONSTER SOUNDS:
According to its Japanese Wikipedia page (kindly translated by my partner), Great Desperate Monster Battle: Daigoro vs. Goliath was created by Tsuburaya Productions, the special effects company behind the Ultra Series. The movie was made as part of the Toho Champion Festival – an event that ran in conjunction with spring, summer and winter school holidays between the years of 1969 and 1978 – to commemorate Tsuburaya Productions’ tenth anniversary.
Daigoro vs. Goliath is painfully geared towards a young target audience and somewhat of a disaster, but it has three unique attributes no other other kaijū film possesses:
1. This would have to be the only giant monster film to cite Jacques Tati as an influence (one of its characters is a tribute to Tati’s famous Monsieur Hulot character).
2. It features A GIGANTIC TOILET, which its titular monster is being trained to use. Please re-read that sentence a few times. Thank you.
3. And its heroic monster itself: Daigoro.
Daigoro, the monster, is essentially the property of the Japanese government. We are briefly told his back story in flashback. Six years prior, Japan suffered an attack by a big, bad monster: Daigoro’s mother. After murdering his mum, the government takes on the responsibility of feeding the giant, economy-draining Daigoro.
Looking after Daigoro is no easy task. He eats like a fucking lunatic. In order to feed him, children organise fundraisers and government scientists discuss ways to decrease his food consumption. Eventually the government decides they will shrink Daigoro to a more reasonably size.
The food shrinkage plan fails. Daigoro refuses his tainted food. The failure is a blessing, because it’s not long before Goliath, an extraterrestrial kaijū bursts onto the scene, punching everything in sight. Daigoro’s giant size, for once, comes in handy as the government sends him into battle.
Unfortunately, Daigoro is quite the pathetic monster (he is, after all, only six years old); his fighting moves leave a lot to be desired. He finds himself beaten and broken after his first brawl with Goliath. I laughed pretty hard at Daigoro’s attempt at a Chuck Norris-esque fly kick.
With every part of his stupid body sculpted to appeal to kids, it’s no wonder Daigoro didn’t make much of a mark in the kaijū history books. To put it bluntly, he looks ridiculous, like a walking cartoon. And while his eyes may be constantly rolling about in his skull, they are dead to the world.
WARNING: TOILET SPOILERS AHEAD!
… and, as if it is the more important event, Daigoro succeeding in using his mammoth portaloo. This act of hygienic pooing brings his human keeper to tears.
The Toho Champion Festival, the reason for this film’s existence, was started by the producer of the original Godzilla, Tomoyuki Tanaka, because “regardless of budget, we should leave behind many monster movies.” And that they did. Ignore the budget, ignore the childish pandering, ignore its pathetic fight scenes, we kaijū fans should be thankful that something as absurd as Daigoro vs. Goliath exists.
Note: It should be pointed out, it was only made possible to see Daigoro vs. Goliath with subtitles thanks to Hi no Tori Fansubs who did an astonishingly good job.
