BMX Bandits (1983)

Is there a radder film than Australia’s very own BMX Bandits? Of course there bloody isn’t. How rad is it? Well it contains all the raddest things ever: BMXs, walkie-talkies, Nicole Kidman’s twisted mane and, uh, foam.

 

BMX BANDITS
Australia, 1983, Brian Trenchard-Smith

My ladyfriend asked me “Are the BMX Bandits really ‘Bandits’ or did the filmmakers piece together two words to make a cool-sounding title?” This made me hurdle my couch, snatch my $3 DVD copy and Frisbee the disc into the player. So I embellish, shut the hell up, the point is they’re bandits all right. They’re BMX Bandits.

BMX Bandits is directed by Australia’s best director, Brian Trenchard-Smith (or as I’m going to call him, BTS). BTS is responsible for some of Australia’s funnest films: Deathcheaters (1976), Out of the Body (1989), the two Jason Blade movies; Strike of the Panther (1988) and Day of the Panther (1988) and my personal favourite, the crotch-smashing themed classic The Man From Hong Kong (1975).

BMX Bandits is shot by academy award-winning DOP John Seale, proving once again cinematography has never been a problem for the Australian film industry. The film is edited by Alan Lake who has edited half a dozen BTS projects, including the violent beauties Turkey Shoot (1982) and Dead End Drive-In (1986).

The story begins with two cool guys BMXing, montaging and then smashing into Nicole Kidman’s trolleys. You see Nicole Kidman worked at a supermarket before she became a neurosurgeon on Days of Thunder. You probably know Nicole Kidman from her countless movies in which she cries for three hours straight. BMX Bandits was her first feature role and she doesn’t cry in it so you know it’s good. Also she actually displays raw charm here and has an actual face.

Her actual face seen here on this misleading BMX Bandits VHS cover:

Kidman is possibly the best performer in BMX Bandits. As BTS points out in this BMX Bandits trailer commentary from the excellent site Trailers From Hell, her part was originally named ‘The Tag-along Girl.’

The slight plot sees three out-of-pocket teenagers, Jack Lugton as the morbid nerd, Angelo D’Angelo as the permed hunk, and Keith Urban’s wife, who all go on a boat trip looking for mussels to make money to buy new BMXs. Instead of finding mussels they find a box of walkie-talkies. I’m not sure why the criminals would hide their prized walkie-talkies out at sea. That doesn’t matter, what matters is the bad guys need them back before the end of the film because the big boss can’t execute a heist without the walkie-talkies. Apparently.

But all the BMXing trio want to do is build a BMX track and lie on the road like cool guys do.

So the trio spend most of the film on their BMXs, fleeing from a pair of fucking hopeless halfwits. Played hilariously by David Argue (Hurricane Smith, Midnite Spares) as Whitey and John Ley as The Moustache. The action hardly stops, as the chase continues through shopping malls, construction sites, a graveyard and a waterslide.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osKgZHQvIDE&w=550&h=315]My ladyfriend pointed out one particular chase sequence was so excessive it even seemed to outlast the music score. Don’t let that deter you. Each time a BMX launches into the air the sound of a synthesized woosch illustrates how rad it all is. And it is. I wouldn’t blame you if you stopped reading and watched the film right now.

Along the way they encounter an always-eating fat kid who only has one hilariously-sad credit on IMDB:

Eventually the police catch the trio, confiscate the illegal walkie-talkies and release them with a warning. However, the kids steal back the walkie-talkies from the cops, proving they are bandits. Thank you very much.

The trio form a massive BMX army and set out to stop the bad guys. It’s bloody impressive. It’s like 300 but without the CGI hunks with CGI muscled torsos.

At the end they all have a foam party and spend the reward money on a new BMX track.

BMX Bandits is a blast. With BTS at the helm I wouldn’t expect anything less. If you haven’t seen anything from BTS, shame on you. If you have, you might notice BMX Bandits uses similar devices to his other 70s and 80s work: the rollicking pace, cartoonish moments, rubbish tough guys and stunt people used as actors. BMX Bandits ticks all those boxes and then skids mud in the faces of those boxes.

I mean just check out this TV spot…

This following clip is an extra on the impressive Australian blu-ray release. Here Nicole Kidman tries to promote BMX Bandits as Johnny Young’s obnoxious children sing over this clip…

Availability: As Matt pointed out, BMX Bandits has a great local (Australian) DVD and blu-ray release. For some reason, Umbrella Entertainment are listing this as a preorder. I could have sworn it was already out – maybe this is a re-release? BMX Bandits is also available in the States with, what looks to be, an identical release from the great Severin Films. Both excellent companies worthy of your support. The choice is yours.

– Dave